oscar, oscar

12:16AM The show is over and I'm fading fast. My thoughts on the show will be better formed after a good night's rest. Good night.

11:46PM Yawn. "No Country for Old Men" wins best picture. What's with Denzel's new haircut?

11:42PM UGGGGHHHHH. I'll accept the Coen brothes win, but I want to buy Paul Thomas Anderson a drink.

11:41PM BEST DIRECTOR. OMG. Who's it going to be?

11:34PM I'M FINISHED! The show is not over but Daniel Day-Lewis keeps it short, sincere, and sweet. How such a mild mannered Englishman can transform into an American sociopath is beyond me, but he did it and he deserved that Oscar.

11:31PM Helen Mirren has to share the award with Forest Whitaker for best performance by a presenter.

11:26PM Cheetah print, jeweled neckline, asymmetrical haircut, red lips, thigh high slit--pick one Diablo Cody and stick with it. Was Rachel Zoe too busy with Cameron and Jennifer?

11:10PM As I predicted, "Atonement" takes best original score. Johnny Greenwood is getting drunk somewhere.

11:02PM The dreaded In Memorium tribute. I'm reminded that Antonioni is gone and I'm still not over it. Noticeable absence: Brad Renfro. Wtf?

11:00PM "THERE WILL BE BLOOD" WINS BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY. THERE IS A GOD.

10:56PM Markéta Irglová gets a second chance to make her speech. A new precedent has been set.

10:54PM Diane Von Furstenberg's American Express commercial is breathtaking. There's something very pretty and calming about DVF wandering around a snowy forest seeking inspiration for her latest collection.

10:52PM Seriously. John Travolta go away.

10:48PM UGGGHHHHH. John Travolta dances. Amazing.

10:46PM UGGGHHHHH. "Enchanted" song again.

10:42PM The token import actor presents best foreign language film. Thank goodness it's Penelope Cruz. Who are the nominees again? Oh yeah, no one has heard of them.

10:30PM Hey Nicole Kidman, you have a diamond necklace circling your right boob. Thought I'd let you know.

10:29PM "Bourne Ultimatum" is killin' 'em. The best action movie of the past decade should have been nominated in more categories. Shoulda, coulda, woulda Academy.

10:27PM Renee Zellweger not wearing something obviously Carolina Herrera? Gasp. EDIT: I was wrong. It was Herrera. Boooooorrrrrring.

10:23PM I'm totally tempted to count how many best picture winners I've seen. I. LOVE. MONTAGES.

10:13PM Radiant in Jean Paul Gaultier couture, Marion Cotillard takes best actress. I love the surprises in the major categories. Once again, I would love a "There Will Be Blood" upset somewhere. Anywhere. Please.

10:10PM Best performance by an actor presenting an Oscar: Forest Whitaker. Did he really have to give the dramatic pauses in between BEST. ACTRESS. IN. A. LEADING. ROLE?

10:00PM The pregnancy award bit was pretty funny. Halle Berry and Dame Judi Dench as presenting partners would have been funnier. I suppose Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill will do.

9:54PM The Kristin Chenoweth anchored performance of the second nominated song from "Enchanted" is...odd. Why did she get so much accompaniment? Why do I always think of Madonna in the early '90s when I see those earpiece microphones? Why didn't Amy Adams perform this one? So many questions.

9:47PM I'm fine with the Coen brothers win for adapted screenplay. I really hope the Academy doesn't give them best picture or director. Spread the love, dammit.

9:39PM Wow. I literally yelped out loud in front of my friends at Tilda Swinton's best supporting actor win. She's not your typical lady, or fashionista for that matter, and that's why we love her. A pleasant surprise and a genuinely surprised acceptance speech. I need to know if she brought her baby's daddy or the other man.

9:24PM Keri Russell: MILF pt. 2.

9:19PM The villain with the bad haircut wins best supporting actor. Javier Bardem is a badass, on and offscreen, but I hate his tuxedo jacket. Penelope, you could have done something about this.

9:09PM CATE BLANCHETT IS A TOTAL MILF. Who cares about the best art direction when a pregnant lady looks that good?

9:02PM Amy Adams wins the award for ballsiest non-nominated actor. If you didn't already love her, she gains extra points for preforming a big song from her film "Enchanted" without backup dancers or an elaborate set piece. She also looked slammin' in a deep emerald gown on the red carpet. Dear Amy, I love you. W.

8:57PM The makeup duo from "La Vie En Rose" deservedly win the makeup achievement award. On a somewhat unrelated note, when did Katherine Heigel's waist get so tiny?

8:50PM Philip Seymour Hoffman and Helen Mirren do not seem excited about Anne Hathaway and Steve Carrell. I guess they don't care for that big rosette thing on Anne Hathaway's dress.

8:47PM The first montage of the evening. YES! 80 YEARS OF OSCAR! ROB LOWE! EVA MARIE SAINT! FELLINI! HEPBURN! CELINE DION SONG!

8:42PM The first win is for costume design. "Elizabeth: The Golden Age", duh. The costume designer is quite the aesthete--severe bangs, billowy dress, nerdy glasses. A glowing Cate Blanchett approves.

8:39PM Is Wesley Snipes Spike Lee's date? Isn't the government after him?

8:31PM Am I the only one who hates Reege? The perma-tan, the glow in the dark white teeth, and the hairline that never recedes drives me wild. So much to loathe, especially when his job dictates interviewing Miley Cyrus.


Glass of pinot noir? Check.
Cupcakes? Check.
Famous people winning awards? Check.

It's time for the Oscars. And so it begins...